Sad State of Affairs

Published on: 09:10AM May 30, 2013

"During a Senate hearing yesterday, Senator John McCain said it was too hard to always have to update apps on his iPhone. No one has the heart to tell him the device he was holding was a garage door opener." –Conan O'Brien

"Vice President Joe Biden met with two undocumented immigrants this week to promote the new immigration bill. When they learned they had to sit down with Biden, they went ahead and deported themselves." –Jimmy Fallon

"Everything's going bad for President Obama with Benghazi and other controversies. But Obama's trying to turn things around. He's sending in SEAL Team 6 to bring back Justin Bieber's monkey." –David Letterman

"And if SEAL Team 6 doesn't work, he's sending in Dennis Rodman." –David Letterman