John Phipps: An Answer For Everything
That curse of the cluttered but still functional mind, the nagging question, is on the verge of extinction. Not the big questions, such as “What is the meaning of life?” or “Where are my glasses?” But those urgent, life-changing facts whose elusiveness plague our thoughts on those occasions when we are thinking.
Years of our lives have been squandered in puzzling over these meaningless but compelling queries. For better or worse, those days are, like, sooooo over.
ENGINES, EGOS, EXPECTATIONS
When “search engines” first became common, we suspected it was “The Little Engine that Could Change Everything.” Having all answers in our hand expanded our egos and expectations.
We didn’t know ignorance was key to social interactions: sharing info we know or fabricate as needed with others doing the same. Scientists have advanced a plausible theory that verbal communications evolved so early humans could gossip about each other. [I’ll pause ironically while you Google this for veracity.]
Now the question is: If the buzz is already on Twitfacegram before you can text your besty, what’s the point?
But wait, it gets worse. In our home, one of the most frequent searches is “Where have we seen him/her before?” We watch a new TV program, and a vaguely familiar actor appears. All attention to plot, actions and dialogue is shunted aside in my brain as I labor to place the performer in memory.
Before the internet and Google, it could be the next morning, or weeks later to be clarified, scratching that mental itch. More importantly, the moderately genial disagreements about which previous program and character the actor played are now pointless.
We must have had plenty of them, because watching TV has turned into a noticeably quieter exercise. Some of us sadly miss those rare occasions when we were proven right.
We have likewise underestimated how devastating this feral knowledge would be to entire personality types. Having all the answers at hand has meant the quiet demise of the know-it-all.
From Barney Fife to Cliff Claven to the obligatory nerd in any ensemble dramedy, all are now anachronistic. Gone will be white-lab-coated, near-sighted, socially inept plot enablers.
A MICROCHIP FROM EXPERTISE
In real life, even legitimately brilliant individuals are routinely fact-checked after every statement by formerly envious friends. It happens to this guy I know all the time now.
Even with consummate phone skills, conversations are frequently punctuated by 10-second pauses as participants text and select an opinion. With everybody merely a microchip from expertise, the smartest guy in the room is just the one with the newest and fastest phone.
What do you get when you cross the intellect of an engineer, the heart of a farmer and the charm of a TV commentator? The ever-witty John Phipps.
