As residences in my area turn into stony, weedy spots in cornfields, traffic has slowed to a trickle, making a car passing a pretty big event. It reminds me of the stories Dad used to tell about when the horse was first invented — or something like that.
During conversation on the porch stoops, myopic eyes strain to focus and ears listen for familiar mufflers. Often, we rise mindlessly — as if hearing the doxology — to stare at an unfamiliar vehicle. It’s pathetic, but it is better than not having any social life.
RURAL TRAFFIC COUNT
Luckily, the school bus still uses our road. This ensures the snowplow won’t leave us until spring. It also provides a convenient wake-up call as it roars to pick up unfortunate children who haven’t reached 16, the age of mandatory car possession.
The real boon to the rural traffic count has been delivery services. Those sleek colorful vans (does anyone know an inoffensive word to describe the UPS color) don’t just deliver the latest $19.95 as-seen-on-TV “ab” solution. UPS trucks are also nature’s way of saying, “That’s enough squirrels.”
Gravel roads have charming quirks like washboards. A washboard is an ancient household device that hasn’t been used in generations, like the iron. These ridges left near gravel intersections are caused by sudden braking to avoid squirrels bouncing off a crossing UPS truck.
A long dry spell can create washboards that can induce labor.
COW PATH UPGRADES
Rural residents have clear ideas about what local roads should be like. The one going by their house should be at least four lanes, smoothly paved with high-speed concrete and banked curves, wide shoulders for parking grain trucks and broad entrances to all adjoining fields.
Unfortunately, what they are willing to pay for are cow paths, but only if the government supplies the cows. And the cow path better be able to handle our “slightly” over-loaded trucks next March when we haul corn. Many farmers have the same problem obeying weight limits on their roads as they do on their bathroom scales.
Suffice it to say, if you get stuck on your road in the spring, you need to pay more attention to load limits, especially if you are not in a vehicle when it happens.
