While I certainly recognize the significant and fortunately growing number of women in production agriculture, at this point it is still a male-dominated occupation. This aspect places considerable pressure on relationships between fathers and sons. That dynamic can be tricky in any family but add in a business angle with real money at stake for both, and it can become very difficult. But it can also be one of the most rewarding times and cherished memories.
Tolstoy maybe said it best, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”.
While there are many resources families can use to manage transition, changes and problems, having gone through both sides of this duet leaves me with some simple and certainly obvious advice. First, recognize and cherish the time spent working together even when each is convinced the other is doing the task wrong. Working side-by-side remains how men typically judge people. Most fathers never experience a child as a coworker, and often feel their effort is misunderstood or unappreciated. Regardless of how you get along, children working with fathers are forming patterns for later life instinctively. Sons may experience this more strongly perhaps because they are simultaneously imprinting gender patterns. My strongest memories are when my father and I farmed together, even though it was emotionally draining for both of us. How long this time together lasts is of course and matter of genes, health, and chance, so this Father’s Day, try to give grievances a rest to honor the reality or memory of working with a father. It is one of the blessings of our work and too easily overlooked. Remember it’s not just backs and knees that become less flexible with age, so children who hold expectations rooted in the realities of ageing will suffer fewer injuries to their pride and less impatience as fathers struggle to adapt while slipping downhill.
Although we had a good relationship all our lives, I wish I had given Dad more slack, because I now share many of the unknown burdens he must have carried in his heart. Finally, realize there is no person’s good opinion he wants more than his children’s, and the links between fathers and sons and fathers and daughters are two different species. So, if you’re wondering what to give Dad this weekend, I would start with giving him a break.
