Vehicles of all types – cars, planes, boats, combines, tricycles – are now something more or perhaps less than transportation. They are merely shells entrusted to house USB ports and cupholders. When our broken bodies are pulled from wreckage only speed and immovable obstacles can create, the examiner report will show we were well-hydrated and entertained.
Long ago batteries were so large and short lived that you could spot travelers lugging a transformer brick with them with several cords of different vintages. In public places they signaled their importance by huddling around any available outlet. Scuffles broke out with dangerous name-calling and fearsome muttering as the hopes of 115 volts of rejuvenation were dashed by selfish early fliers spreading devices over the floor like an electronic picnic. Interesting sidenote: that’s where the name airPORT comes from.
A Mere Cube
Alas, technology constantly changes, sometimes helpfully to the consumer, always helpfully to the marketing department. By sheer coincidence, electronics manufacturers converged on one method for both charging and transmitting data: the USB cable/port.
With a mere cube which blocks adjacent receptacles replacing the brick transformer and drawing only minuscule wattage, things should have gotten easier, right?
But the true genius of American marketing is to baffle with choice. This supposedly standard connection now comes in several flavors, USB-A, USB-B, USB-B mini, USB-B micro, USB-C, USB-C♯, and of course, Apple’s very own Lightning. In place of the brick, we carry a snake’s nest of cords, which come in two main sizes, too long and too short. A person close to me says jamming the wrong connectors together with say, a smartphone seldom works, in case you’re wondering.
On page umpty-seven hundred of the infrastructure bill is authorization to replace all these with one standard type, USB-R2D2 , which will be available (eventually) anywhere the public is likely to go, and some places they shouldn’t. By that time, however, phones and tablets will be charged by holding them in sunlight for about 30 seconds. Be sure to wear sunscreen.
The USBlues
To solve your USBlues, the answer is obvious. Get a new vehicle. I just tried one out and got on the waiting list to buy a lottery ticket to buy one. It has enough outlets to power the computers needed to send rich people in to space.
Wait – the cupholders don’t fit my drink coolers.
