It’s true that the pork industry is driven by data and science, but it’s ultimately built on the strength of the people who are in it. Sometimes that strength arises out of the darkest times of our lives. Dan Hamilton, senior director for product performance in the Americas for PIC, experienced a profound tragedy in 2005.
When Hamilton was a student at the University of Illinois, he met Rachel – a dynamic powerhouse who captured his heart quickly. Always the life of the conversation, she made people laugh and brought joy to everyone she was around, he says.
“We couldn’t wait to start our storybook life together,” Hamilton says. “We were young and of the mindset that you set a goal and achieve it. Then, you just keep doing that. We both had successful careers, bought our first house, and decided it was time to have a baby.”
He will never forget the morning when it was time to go to the hospital after nine months of waiting.
“We had the bag packed in the car like you’re supposed to, and the nursery was ready,” he recalls. “We went to the hospital and they took Rachel back. I went with her and they said, ‘You know, her blood pressure is a little bit variable. Why don’t you step out?’”
They told him they were going to get her blood pressure under control before moving on to the next step of the delivery process.
“It wasn’t a few minutes later that a lot of sirens started going off, and they were having some sort of a code event,” Hamilton says. “I wasn’t sure if it was her or what it was, because they had me in the waiting room with no direction. The next thing I know, the doctors were approaching me with a very grim face.”
They sat him down and explained that Rachel died in the delivery room that morning from either an amniotic or pulmonary embolism. A rare, one-in-a-million event, there was nothing the doctors could do to save his wife. In that very same moment, he found out he was the father of a baby girl, Kaitlyn.
Stunned, Hamilton didn’t know what to do next. The doctors were talking about the duress Kaitlyn endured while his heart smashed into pieces.
Black-and-White Memories
Because Kaitlyn experienced a lack of oxygen for a period of time, doctors whisked her off to the neonatal intensive care unit for the first four days of her life to stabilize her respiratory tract.
“I don’t think any dad goes into the hospital thinking he will leave a single father,” Hamilton says. “Not only was I grieving the loss of Rachel, but the stress of how I was going to care for Kaitlyn on my own put me to the limit.”
An outpouring of support from family and friends surrounded him at that moment.
“It’s unfortunate that it takes a traumatic event to realize how many people in the world care,” Hamilton says. “And that continued for years afterward. My parents were really close and they came and spent a lot of time with me. Rachel’s mother had just retired, so she was able to help me with Kaitlyn during the day. She was a godsend for sure. Friends would come on nights or weekends and give me a break when needed.”
When he looks back, he sees that time of his life in black and white.
“Memories are usually in color,” he says. “But that first year was definitely in black and white for me.”
Although watching each step of Kaitlyn’s development was the greatest gift, he says not having Rachel to share it with him was hard. He constantly questioned how he was going to be able to raise a young lady.
“Rachel would have been so good at this,” he says. “I asked a lot of questions. Why did this happen? Why was she taken away from me?”
He learned to stop asking those questions.
“You may never find reason with those,” he says. “Focus on the positive and the good things around you. Be grateful for the people that support you, because that is what God is sending you – the help, support and strength to move forward.”
Be in the Moment
When you’ve gone through a trauma like this, Hamilton says it’s important to take time to heal and reflect.
“My grief for Rachel will always be there,” he says. “I still tear up every time I think about it and it’s been 20-some years. I just want to encourage people walking through grief that someday you can reformulate your life and have positive experiences again. It may not feel like it at first, but there are good things ahead.”
And let people help you, Hamilton adds. People want to help, but don’t always know how to help. He believes letting people in allows both parties to process and that’s a good thing.
“One thing I’ve learned is to be in the moment,” he says.
Don’t let things get out of balance that shouldn’t get out of balance, he adds. For example, your job shouldn’t compromise your relationship with your family. That’s something he takes seriously.
Three years after Rachel’s death, he met his current wife, Carrie, and her daughter. Today they are raising three daughters. Kaitlyn is now a junior at the University of Illinois and doing amazing, he says.
“Looking back at what I went through, there’s always some guilt that I could have spent more time or done this or that,” Hamilton says. “Live your life so you don’t have those regrets as you go forward. You just never know when you’ll get that next chance.”
You can listen to more of Hamilton’s personal story of resilience on “The PORK Podcast” on YouTube or follow The PORK Podcast anywhere podcasts are found.
